Today is my Mummy’s birthday =)
I’m in the same country as her again! It’s been a while, so sometimes I forget that they’re really just a 3 hour drive away. We still only talk about as frequently as we did when they were still in Pakistan, but it’s somehow still more comforting knowing they’re geographically close.
I’ve been too busy and too stressed to think of blogging, and honestly nothing seems worth writing about. In the busyness of school and the anxiety of trying to be a good student, and a good sister, girlfriend and employee, I just don’t have anything left in the way of words to share on such an impersonal, unemotional, unfeeling computer screen.
But today I need to say something, because despite the anxiety and stress and busyness that’s there, I feel the need to reflect on mummy.
I didn’t even begin to see the strength of this woman until I was well out of adolescence and recovering from deep depression. Ever since then I’ve continued to see more; not because anything that she does has changed, but because my selfish child eyes have developed a little more to understand and recognize. I’m beginning to recognise what courage means; to have chosen to leave the familiar country she called home, and her parents and sister, with an infant Josh, and start a new life in Pakistan. I’m developing the eyes to see what sacrifice meant, for Mummy to kiss her babies goodbye, one after the other, and allow us to travel more or less alone almost 1500 km to be in boarding school from the age of 10 onwards. Some people don’t see the sacrifice in that, and assume only a terrible mother could let her kids go away like that, but we felt only love. I didn’t know then as much as I know now that it hurt their hearts to let us go away, so much more than it hurt our hearts.
Mummy, we don’t see a lot. There is so much we miss of what you do that comes to you naturally from years of being a mum. But SOMETIMES I do see.
Sometimes I see you choose not to eat what you would like because you are happier seeing one of your family members happy than feeling it in your own tummy.
I love the picture above; Of course, only a mother would be so delighted to be given gifts by her children like a snickers bar, a cheap toy car keychain, and a village island made of paper. 
Sometimes I see you spending hours doing research (whether it’s flights, route options, or education options) or working on a project that would please or help one of us.
Sometimes I see that you will lose a night of sleep because of how much you care and worry when something is not right with one of us.
Sometimes I see you overcome the maternal urge to helicopter, when you know that the best thing is to let go and watch.
Sometimes I see how you tend to know what to do. You don’t consider yourself a wise person or particularly insightful, but you and daddy are the go-to for life decisions.
Sometimes I see that being with you feels like being home. It doesn’t matter where, whether it’s in Germany, Pakistan, Turkey, Canada…just being where you are feels right and I can metaphorically kick back and put my feet up (except I don’t ever really do that, so for me it would be metaphorically lying down on the carpet or siting cross-legged at the living room table).
You’re often underestimated, underencouraged, underappreciated, because children are selfish and we take a mummy for granted.
But Mummy, not today! I see you today (not literally. Maybe I’ll see you in a month), I appreciate you, and I love you.
Happy Birthday!
xoxo
your baby girl
Along the Way 