I’ve been thinking a lot about what the world is telling me. No, the world isn’t just telling me—it’s screaming at me. It’s always the same message, but disguised in various forms. But it’s all the same: it’s the modern, progressive forward-thinking and “enlightened” message that I am the god of my own universe. You, me, all of us are the gods of our own little world. It’s a terribly sneaky message, because it disguises itself in the form of thoughts that seem so innocent and good:
“don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t succeed”
“you deserve better than that”
“be your true authentic self”
“serve yourself”
“be good to yourself”
Aren’t they all good thoughts? I do believe that some of this fits into a healthy, holistic perception of self; I do need to be good to myself. Life is a gift and I should be using my body and life to its fullest extent, not trashing it or neglecting it.
But it’s also a poisonous message, because slowly and surely this message encourages me to start placing everything in my life in a circle that surrounds me, serves me…worships ME. I’ve especially started hearing this message since starting university and being surrounded by white-collared Caucasians. Something about being white and educated makes people ooze self-worship. It’s a message that scorns humility, sacrifice, and followership. SO much emphasis is put on being a change-maker, being a leader, taking what is rightfully mine, and not being a “doormat” to anyone.
But isn’t that what brings depth to life? Isn’t that the life we have been called to live? Selflessness, humility, sacrifice…
The ugly head of the world’s message has reared itself in full force in the last year. Having married Frank, now entering the transitional period between Canada and Germany, leaving my newfound ‘home’ country for a new one… and the big one: trading my nursing experiences here for Germany’s. Over the past years of digging for information on the German health care system and nursing system, I’ve been dismayed to find that a baccalaureate level of nursing doesn’t exist there. I’ve heard of nurses being viewed as the physician’s aids, the lack of autonomy and scope of practice. People sharing their opinions and experiences of the German nursing system, intending to be helpful, have contributed to an impression of nursing that sounds like Canada’s system 50 years ago. I’ve had discussions with people who tell me I’m giving up my career going there. Here in Canada I’d have endless possibilities for career advancement, research opportunities, higher roles, higher respect, wage, value and a higher public image. That’s been a huge struggle. I’m finishing this program where I’ve been told how MUCH I can accomplish if I want to. I’ve been told I have great potential, and could become something big.
But I’m not staying here—I’m going to a country where I’ll be the foreigner. My lack of language in Germany doesn’t just make me a foreigner; it steals my personality. I’m a quiet, unsure person there. I can’t joke in German, or pipe in with my quips that work so well for me in conversations here. The same goes for my nursing skills. My highest assets are my relational capacity and communication skills. I can reach patients through my words—I have the conversational skills to impress supervisors and patients, leading them to trust me and confide in me. I can calm and counsel patients with the eloquence of my words. Without my English, with my broken and hesitant German, I’m not eloquent. I’m barely functional. Barely functional is the nightmare of a grad nurse. Those are the fears that have been fed by the message, fuelled by the thought that I deserve to be more than functional—I deserve to be GREAT.
And this darn screaming message won’t leave me now—why aren’t I doing what is in MY best interest? Why am I leaving behind my potential to thrive, and why should I be giving up MY career? MY life, MY job, MY ego is at risk of being supressed.
I hate the message. I hate it because it screams so loudly that sometimes I can’t hear the good.
The good tells me that I’m starting a new adventure with a new husband who adores me and will walk through every single struggle ahead with me. It tells me that he also gave up a lot for me to be able to pursue my education here. The good tells me that nursing is everywhere, career advancement will NOT fill my soul, and I have endless opportunities ahead of me if I choose to see through the good lens. The good reminds me that marriage is not convenient, and it’s not about compromises—sometimes it’s about full-on sacrifice, with NO compromise. Sometimes there’s not a win-win. It’s just a win. ONE win that should be celebrated by both. It’s humility and sharing and NOT worshipping me.
I’m trying hard to listen to the good. I’ve let the message of the world sink in way too much, and am trying desperately to turn my ears and heart towards the message that comes from the Lord:
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return…
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and ahumblemind.
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humilitycount others more significant than yourself.
Let no one seek his owngood, but the good of his neighbour
Do not be conformedto this world, but be transformedby the renewal of your mind…
But I do not account mylife of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.
Along the Way 